Vesuvius

I exploded at work yesterday. It had been a long time coming and had been building up over the last few days. I knew it was due - but like any explosion, it always seems to happen on the people who've actually been nice! Not the ones who 'deserve' it. I'm sure hormones have some part in it too.

And then I spent what felt like forever bawling my eyes out. At work. Smooth!

After work we had music practice for church on Sunday. Church Boy (for those of you who remember him: for those who don't, he goes to my church, I "like" him, and for most of the last two years was somewhat obsessed with him) was heading up the practice. I warned him, said that most times I'd opened my mouth that day I'd burst into tears. And promptly did so! Poor guy. He didn't know quite what to say. Wasn't sure what the right thing was. Then he said the one thing I needed to hear (and I don't know if it's because that's what I said to him a couple of weeks back when I bumped into him in a similar state outside church): "do you need a hug?"

Good God, YES! Of course I do! Oh how good it felt. Step aside from whatever feelings I have from him, being held - properly held, his arms around me, almost protectively - by a guy, a proper, solid guy, not one of those stick-thin ones that looks as though they'd break if you breathed on them, let alone embraced them, felt so good. It was all I could do not to ask if we could skip practice and would he just hug me for the next hour. Touch is so important.

We then went to the pub after practice. New pub (for me). Nice sofas. We collapsed onto one and I kicked off my shoes, hauled my knees up on to the sofa and twisted round to face him. And he mirrored. For a good hour we were sat there, knees touching - well, a hair's breadth between, touching intermittently - occasionally his fingers would brush my leg as he gesticulated to make a point. And he didn't pull away or get uncomfortable.

For those of you who know our history, you'll probably appreciate why I am so chuffed! To have got to this stage of being comfortable around each other, hanging out, that he doesn't feel he has to watch what he does or says, is such progress. And I'm so glad to have a good friend. Who gives good hugs when they're needed!

Anyway, today I felt a lot better, was much calmer and didn't let work pile on top of me so much. And I think the hug and time spent with CB really helped.

Vesuvius is dormant.

For now...