My arch nemesis

The squirrels of Regents Park are currently stalking me!

How many kids could I take in a fight?

15

I've moved

Here

An A-Z of me

A - Available?
Yes. Very.

B - Best friend
I think they faded with adolescence, but I have a handful of close friends

C - Cake or Pie?
Hmm... probably pie

D - Drink of choice:
Fruit juice

E - Essential thing used everyday
My laptop

F - Favourite color:
Pink

G - Gummi bears or worms:
Gummi bears

H - Hometown:
Currently London

I - Indulgence:
A looooooooooooong bath

J - January or February:
January

K - Kids and names:
None

L - Life:
Needs to be taken one step at a time

M - Marriage date:
Still to come

N - Number of siblings:
One - younger brother

O - Oranges or apples:
Oranges

P - Phobias:
Spiders

Q - Quote:
"God has not always answered my prayers. If He had I would have married the wrong man - several times."
~Ruth Graham

R - Reason to smile:
Friends

S - Season:
Spring

T - Tag three people:
Aphra
Barbara
Suzy

U - Unknown fact about me:
I have a heart-shaped mole, but I'm not telling you where (No, no there!)

V - Vegetable you do not like:
Mushroom

W - Worst habit:
Picking at myself

X - x-rays you have had:
Teeth, wrist, foot

Y - Your favorite food:
Steak and chips!

Z - Zodiac:
Taurus

My brain

Jo

See my brainscanner results

Joanna is obviously dormant:

See my brainscanner results

Second chances

How often do you get a second chance? (Writer's Island prompt)

The Story of the Lost Son
Luke 15:11-24 (The Message)

Then he said, "There was once a man who had two sons. The younger said to his father, 'Father, I want right now what's coming to me.'

"So the father divided the property between them. It wasn't long before the younger son packed his bags and left for a distant country. There, undisciplined and dissipated, he wasted everything he had. After he had gone through all his money, there was a bad famine all through that country and he began to hurt. He signed on with a citizen there who assigned him to his fields to slop the pigs. He was so hungry he would have eaten the corncobs in the pig slop, but no one would give him any.

"That brought him to his senses. He said, 'All those farmhands working for my father sit down to three meals a day, and here I am starving to death. I'm going back to my father. I'll say to him, Father, I've sinned against God, I've sinned before you; I don't deserve to be called your son. Take me on as a hired hand.' He got right up and went home to his father.

"When he was still a long way off, his father saw him. His heart pounding, he ran out, embraced him, and kissed him. The son started his speech: 'Father, I've sinned against God, I've sinned before you; I don't deserve to be called your son ever again.'

"But the father wasn't listening. He was calling to the servants, 'Quick. Bring a clean set of clothes and dress him. Put the family ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Then get a grain-fed heifer and roast it. We're going to feast! We're going to have a wonderful time! My son is here—given up for dead and now alive! Given up for lost and now found!' And they began to have a wonderful time.

A Story About Forgiveness
Matthew 18:21-22 (The Message)

Peter got up the nerve to ask, "Master, how many times do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me? Seven?"

Jesus replied, "Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven."

How often do we waste our second chances, waste grace?

More often than we deserve. And yet... we still receive that second chance.

How often do we withhold a second chance - grace - from another?

More often than we should. For in receiving our own second (third, fourth, fifth...) chances, we should extend that same grace to others.

"Lord, make me a channel of your peace, your grace. For it is in pardoning that I am pardoned."

Time travel

Oh to go back in time,
to write the wrongs,
to change the past,
to erase the mistakes we made.
But to wipe away the past
means we change the present,
risk the future.
A paradox of uncertainty
created by hasty, pain-filled actions.
We cannot be other than who we are becoming,
and we become from who we were.

Writer's Island prompt.

I find it hard to understand why

Why does the Koran advocate beating women as a solution to family difficulties? Does it advocate this for men causing difficulties? I'm not sure. But I'd like to know.

An article in the Yemen Times titled 'Why there must be violence against women': the author is protesting against human rights NGOs who say women who are beaten should complain to the police.

"This title may sound strange, but it’s actually not just a way to attract readers to the topic because I really do mean what it indicates. Violence is a broad term, especially when used regarding women. In this piece, I want to shed light on those instances where violence against women is a must."

"In some cases, violence is necessary, but there must be limits. Those “good human rights organizations” don’t make any exceptions in their solutions because their aim is to serve society. Will it be a better society once we see wives, mothers, sisters and daughters going from one police station and one court to another, complaining against their husbands, fathers, brothers and even sons?"

"If a daughter or sister makes a mistake – especially a moral one – that negatively affects the entire family and its reputation, what’s the solution by such organizations?"

Here's a simple solution: don't beat them! There, that wasn't so hard, now, was it?

And yet... all in the name of religious and moral instruction.

Law, what law?

Frei: The Senate yesterday passed a bill outlawing water-boarding. You, I believe, have said that you will veto that bill.
Mr Bush: That's not -
Frei: Does that not send the wrong signal...
Mr Bush: No, look... that's not the reason I'm vetoing the bill. The reason I'm vetoing the bill - first of all, we have said that whatever we do... will be legal. Secondly, they are imposing a set of standards on our intelligence communities in terms of interrogating prisoners that our people will think will be ineffective. And, you know, to the critics, I ask them this: when we, within the law, interrogate and get information that protects ourselves and possibly others in other nations to prevent attacks, which attack would they have hoped that we wouldn't have prevented? And so, the United States will act within the law. We'll make sure professionals have the tools necessary to do their job within the law. Now, I recognise some say that these - terrorists - really aren't that big a threat to the United States anymore. I fully disagree. And I think the president must give his professionals within the law the necessary tools to protect us. So, we're not having a debate not only how you interrogate people. We're having a debate in America on whether or not we ought to be listening' to terrorists making' phone calls in the United States. And the answer is darn right we ought to be.

Here is the full transcript of his conversation with BBC World News America presenter Matt Frei.

Did I read this right, or is Bush saying he will veto a change in law in order to allow this method of torture legal status?

Oh, and don't use us as an excuse to justify yourself. Admittedly, I've not lost a loved one to terrorist action, so I can only say this impartially.

One Flaw in Women

An angel appeared and said,"Why are you spending so much time on this one?"

And the Lord answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable and able to run on diet coke and leftovers, have a lap that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart - and she will do everything with only two hands.

The angel was astounded at the requirements."Only two hands? No way! And that's just on the standard model? That's too much work for one day. Wait till tomorrow to finish."

"But I won't," the Lord protested." I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18 hour days.

"The angel moved closer and touched the woman."But you have made her so soft, Lord."

"She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough.You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."

"Will she be able to think?" asked the angel.

The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think,she will be able to reason and negotiate."

The angel then noticed something,and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek. "Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one."

"That's not a leak", the Lord corrected, "that's a tear!"

"What's the tear for?" the angel asked.

The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy,her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love,her loneliness, her grief and her pride."

The angel was impressed."You are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything! Woman is truly amazing."

And she is! Women have strengths that amaze men. They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in. They stand up to injustice. They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. They go without, so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards. They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors. They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning. They bring joy, hope and love. They have compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends. Women have vital things to say and everything to give.

If there is one flaw in women, it is that they forget their worth.

Vesuvius

I exploded at work yesterday. It had been a long time coming and had been building up over the last few days. I knew it was due - but like any explosion, it always seems to happen on the people who've actually been nice! Not the ones who 'deserve' it. I'm sure hormones have some part in it too.

And then I spent what felt like forever bawling my eyes out. At work. Smooth!

After work we had music practice for church on Sunday. Church Boy (for those of you who remember him: for those who don't, he goes to my church, I "like" him, and for most of the last two years was somewhat obsessed with him) was heading up the practice. I warned him, said that most times I'd opened my mouth that day I'd burst into tears. And promptly did so! Poor guy. He didn't know quite what to say. Wasn't sure what the right thing was. Then he said the one thing I needed to hear (and I don't know if it's because that's what I said to him a couple of weeks back when I bumped into him in a similar state outside church): "do you need a hug?"

Good God, YES! Of course I do! Oh how good it felt. Step aside from whatever feelings I have from him, being held - properly held, his arms around me, almost protectively - by a guy, a proper, solid guy, not one of those stick-thin ones that looks as though they'd break if you breathed on them, let alone embraced them, felt so good. It was all I could do not to ask if we could skip practice and would he just hug me for the next hour. Touch is so important.

We then went to the pub after practice. New pub (for me). Nice sofas. We collapsed onto one and I kicked off my shoes, hauled my knees up on to the sofa and twisted round to face him. And he mirrored. For a good hour we were sat there, knees touching - well, a hair's breadth between, touching intermittently - occasionally his fingers would brush my leg as he gesticulated to make a point. And he didn't pull away or get uncomfortable.

For those of you who know our history, you'll probably appreciate why I am so chuffed! To have got to this stage of being comfortable around each other, hanging out, that he doesn't feel he has to watch what he does or says, is such progress. And I'm so glad to have a good friend. Who gives good hugs when they're needed!

Anyway, today I felt a lot better, was much calmer and didn't let work pile on top of me so much. And I think the hug and time spent with CB really helped.

Vesuvius is dormant.

For now...

Anti valentine. The cards you DON'T want to get

Changed

Everything we do, see, hear, touch, taste, experience, say changes us.
Everything we don't do, see, hear, touch, taste, experience or say changes us.
Our choices - for better or worse - change who we were and who we are becoming.
I am not who I was when I started to write this. And by the time I finish, I will not be the same.

Everything is always changing. Every second of the day.
Sometimes these changes are huge: life, death, love, hate, newness.
Although change unsettles us, although we often resist it, it still changes us.

Prompt from Writer's Island.

Subject: Actual letter to the Canadian Passport office

Dear Mr. Minister,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.

How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a t.v. cable from them back in 1997, and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.

For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand?

My birth date you have on my social insurance card, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years. It is on my health insurance card, my driver's license, on the last eight goddamn passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done at election times.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Maryanne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and when I die!

SHIT!

I apologize, Mr. Minister. I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you an' me, I've had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my f.......n' address. What is going on? You have a gang of Neanderthals assholes workin' there?

Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want to go and park my ass on a sandy beach.

And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!

Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the city and get another f.....n' copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of $60 !!!

Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day??

Nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the f.....n' place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some asshole to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?!

(f.....n' morons)

Hey, you know why we can't smile? We're totally pissed off!

Signed - An Irate f.......n Canadian Citizen.

Man becomes woman!

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.
He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

'Dear Lord:

I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.

I want her to know what I go through.

So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day.

Amen!'

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.

He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate,

Awakened the kids,

Set out their school clothes,

Fed them breakfast,

Packed their lunches,

Drove them to school,

Came home and picked up the dry cleaning,

Took it to the cleaners

And stopped at the bank to make a deposit,

Went grocery shopping,

Then drove home to put away the groceries,

Paid the bills and balanced the check book.

He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.

Then, it was already 01P.M.

And he hurried to make the beds,

Do the laundry, vacuum,

Dust,

And sweep and mop the kitchen floor.

Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.

Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework.

Then, set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.

At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.

After supper,

He cleaned the kitchen,

Ran the dishwasher,

Folded laundry,

Bathed the kids,

And put them to bed.

At 09 P.M .

He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: -

'Lord, I don't know what I was thinking.

I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day.

Please, oh! Oh! Please, let us trade back.

Amen!'

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:

'My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.

You'll just have to wait nine months, though.

You got pregnant last night.'

Faith & fear: a story of 2 emails

Although I've never finished The Purpose Driven Life, I get the daily devotional emails. Yesterday's was this:

Is Your Faith In Your Fear?
by Jon Walker

“But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid.” (Matthew 14:27, NIV)

Across the breadth of the Bible, God consistently sends the message, “Do not be afraid, for I am with you.”

The Bible reveals that God knows we tend toward fear, particularly as we respond to uncertainty and change. Yet the Bible also reveals that God is the only unchanging certainty in this world – or out of it.

Yet, is it possible we have more faith in our fear than we do in God?

No matter how complex life becomes, it still comes down to this basic choice: Will we place our confidence in the All-Powerful Supreme Being and Sole Authority of the Universe, or will we place greater confidence in our fears?

Although the choice is black-or-white basic, God knows it’s not simple. It involves a challenging stretch, and that’s why God continually reminds us, “Fear not, for I am with you

God is clear that our abilities, our resources – even a belief in the myth of luck – will not be what strengthens us for the journey. (Philippians 4:13) We fear we can’t do the things God calls us to do, and we fear that God will not protect us or provide for us. We choose this fear, embracing the unholy lie that our circumstances are bigger than the One True God.

Our faith in God gets placed on the altar of our own perceptions when we should be placing our perceptions on the altar of unflinching faith.

If you’re like me, you often fear what’s behind the curtain of God’s call, and God – frustratingly – won’t let me peek behind the curtain, and so:

Our fear shouts – “Pay no attention to the God behind the curtain; he’s just another wizard from Oz, using smoke and mirrors to give you the illusion of power and grace.”
Our God whispers – In that still, small voice, he calls us to develop confidence in him; he calls us to abandon the confidence we have in what we see and the confidence we have in our fears. God keeps the curtain of our future drawn so we will learn to live by faith and not by sight, so we will become certain of what we hope for and become sure of God, even when we cannot see how he’s working in our current circumstances. (Hebrews 11:1)

What does this mean?

• Ask God to replace your fear with faith – Eliminating your fear involves more than working up your courage. This is a spiritual battle that requires you to develop faith. But first you need to make a choice – Will you fear, or will you “faith?” Faith means you believe the truth – Your behavior and decisions are most often rooted in what you believe. When you experience fear, ask yourself, “What does this fear say about what I believe in this circumstance?” What fears are you experiencing today? What do they say about the beliefs you currently embrace? Ask God to pull these false beliefs and fears out by the root.
• Get caught in an act of faith – One day, a woman who had hemorrhaged for 12 years slipped up behind Jesus and touched his robe, believing he could heal her. “Jesus turned –caught her at it. Then he reassured her: ‘Courage, daughter. You took a risk of faith, and now you're well.’” (Matthew 9:22, MSG) God is for you, and he encourages you to be caught in the act of faith. When you act in faith, you proclaim your belief in God; you acknowledge he exists and that God cares about you.
• Let a friend tell you about your fears -- Ask a friend if he or she sees a part of your life where you show more fear than faith – and then, together, pray for God to help your unbelief. (Mark 9:24)

I wondered what this meant. I've been thinking a lot about fear since 2008 started. Because I've been pushing at those doors.

One of the doors I'm pushing at is to go back to India, towards the end of this year, for 6 - 12 months. And that is terrifying! Terrifying that if I actually put myself out there, push those doors, God might actually let one of them open. That I might actually be doing this thing I feel He is asking me to, at least, explore.

And 2-3 hours after this email arrived, there came one from the guy I know in Hyderabad, who arranged the conferences we spoke at in 2006. He'd heard of a doctor working in Mumbai with people who have HIV/AIDS and also with people who've been trafficked. Which is the area I am interested in volunteering my time and my skills in.

And then I knew why that email arrived that morning.

Apparently I'm a Consumate

You have a Consumate relationship style

You have a “total relationship” with your partner that comprises all aspects of love. Your relationship is very passionate and romantic, you have a great deal of intimacy and are able to share every feeling and idea with your partner, and, what’s more, you are genuinely committed to this relationship in the long run. This is the kind of relationship that most people would only dream of having. You must be very happy… Congratulations!

AND YOUR BIG 5 PERSONALITY TRAITS ARE

• Neuroticism: You are balanced, somewhat emotional, and adjusted. When you are worried or irritated it tends to be for a good reason. You can be anxious about things that matter and your worries usually have a purpose (e.g., they help you prevent problems). At times, however, you find it hard to suppress your negative feelings.
• Extraversion: You are extraverted, energetic, dominant, confident and outgoing. You enjoy being the centre of attention and are very talkative. You like meeting new people and talking about yourself. You are generally high-spirited and find it difficult to be alone. You tend to be fun-loving and talkative. You also have a shorter attention span than most people and are quite impulsive. You are a morning rather than evening-person.
• Openness: You are relatively open to new experiences but not that desperate for novelty. You are interested in finding out about the world and other people but there are things you would never do because they defy your values and principles. You enjoy some forms of art and like some unconventional things but are generally represented by the mainstream. You are not too conservative but not too liberal either.
• Agreeableness: You are warm, altruistic and friendly. You tend to be modest about your abilities and achievements. You follow rules and conventions and don’t like upsetting people. You care about others, even if you don’t know them, and can easily sympathise with people. You are also politically correct and prefer to avoid conflict. Confrontation is not your thing. You are modest and unselfish and try to be on friendly terms with everyone.
• Conscientiousness: You are proactive, responsible, and self-motivated. People know you are reliable and dependable. You strive for excellence and are driven by status, goals and target. You are generally focused on your goals and willing to work hard to attain them. You are well-organised and work efficiently. You are methodical and prefer to always plan ahead. You don’t like leaving things till the last minute and are self-critical if you do not achieve your goals. You prefer to avoid risks. You have a reputation both for your work ethic and for being conscientious.

TOP 5 DATE MOVIES FOR YOUR iD

1. Shakespeare in Love 15.00%
2. When Harry Met Sally 15.00%
3. Breakfast At Tiffany's 11.00%
4. Casablanca 8.00%
5. Ghost 8.00%

TOP 5 ROMANTIC SONGS FOR YOUR iD

1. Wonderful Tonight 13.00%
2. Have I Told You Lately 11.00%
3. When A Man Loves A Woman 9.00%
4. Killing Me Softly With His Song 8.00%
5. (Everything I Do) I Do It For You 8.00%

Test yourself here.

Well, I'm not sure that I'm a morning person and I don't find it difficult to be alone, but other than that a lot of that really is me. Now, if only I could find that relationship 'most people would only dream of having'!

What book are you?

You're A Prayer for Owen Meany!

by John Irving

Despite humble and perhaps literally small beginnings, you inspire
faith in almost everyone you know. You are an agent of higher powers, and you manifest
this fact in mysterious and loud ways. A sense of destiny pervades your every waking
moment, and you prepare with great detail for destiny fulfilled. When you speak, IT
SOUNDS LIKE THIS!


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

I've just started reading A Thousand Splendid Suns. I loved Kite Runner and am hoping this is just a provoking a read.

Welcome to Britain. Just try not to spit

I remember when we landed at Mumbai airport the first thing we noticed was the 'Please do not spit' signs. Are they what gave Hazel Blears her ideas for the welcome pack for migrants coming to Britain, do you think? Because obviously everyone needs to be told not to spit on British streets because they'd all do it otherwise. I mean, look at the dirty foreigner. It's not as if you'd see us British do that? No, no! Never! Surely not. We don't drop litter either. Or grope people on the tube. Or let our dogs poop all over the streets so I have to play a kind of hopscotch along my street. Or play our music too loud. Nope, not us.

But we do paint giant pole dancers on the fields next to Gatwick.

What must we look like to those landing on our shores? “Hello. Welcome to Britain. Now play nicely, give us all your money and here's a handy booklet to tell you about how to be British. Because we've obviously forgotten. Oh, and about those jobs we’re all too proud to do - any chance you could do them for us? Just try not to make it look as though you’ve stolen them from a ‘real’ British person, though, there’s a good chap.”

I'm the only English person in my house, and have been for at least a year. One housemate is Welsh (which is definitely NOT English!), another German, one Malaysian and there's a South African too. I've had Peruvians and many more Germans and South Africans, at one point or another. And I'll admit, there are times when I get all huffy about being English-bashed in my own country, but it's all in jest (in fact, my German housemate loves the Fawlty Towers 'Don't mention the war' scene).

Fawlty Towers clip-Don't Mention the War

Add to My Profile | More Videos

How can we demand that others adhere to our 'culture'? What culture? I've lived here 30 years and haven't seen much of a culture. Unless you count the great values of shop-till-you-drop, famous for 5 minutes (reality TV has reduced Warhol's 15 minutes of fame), manufactured pop (though to be fair, I did enjoy the Spice Girls), worshiping football, and the idea of a good night out being to drink so much you can't remember whether it was a good night out or not (though, some of my Polish & Romanian friends also seem to enjoy that, so it's not necessarily a British thing).

And yet... With the rise of BNP (in the 2006 elections the number of seats doubled) we face a subtle - or not-so-subtle - backlash against those who are coming into the country, doing those jobs some of us are too proud to do (I'll admit I'm too proud for some jobs) and paying taxes, supporting some of us 'superior' Brits who would rather take state money than actually work. But we're not all like that.

And despite all this, we're opening up our arms and our minds to people of different cultures, and accepting them into our communities. I think where it gets dangerous is when ghettos of bulture form. But that can't be helped. With the internal migration of Brits, communities have almost broken down, so when others bring their communities, their cultures into an area that become identified with their ethnicity. Where I live is well known for high numbers of Polish (including my ex) and Turkish (hmm... another ex!) migrants. We've spread ourselves so far from community that we're scared when we see it.

There are times when I envy the easy familiarity I see in, particularly, the Turkish community around. Though it doesn't make me want to move back to Devon and gather my family around me. It makes me think about what is community. And how can we make it something integrated and mixed - a real melting pot. When I look at my friends over the past few years:
South African

• Hong Kong Chinese
• German
• Australian
• Kiwi
• South African
• Greek
• Polish
• French
• Romanian
• Welsh
• Scottish
• South Korean
• Portuguese
• Slovak
• Czech
• Turkish
• Peruvian
• Roma (gypsy)
  

Isn't that what community should be about? And isn't that what the Church should be encouraging and enabling?

2 asides, before I wrap up and go to bed:

1. I'm exploring the option of volunteering in India for 6 months later on this year. Now if I do, I would LOVE to know how to do things the Indian way, so as not to be offensive in their culture. (See comments from the mad momma and desigirl on our Britishness pack).
2. And our Archbishop (claim to fame - I met him once and he shook my hand and said 'very nice to meet you'!) Rowan Williams is backing sharia law for British Muslims. I've not had a chance to think more on this.
   

In another world

One of my housemates astounds me sometimes with her arrogance, her brazenness, her cheek. She's the one who, before she moved in, when I first met her, informed me that I'd have to get used to the fact that she'd always be late, if I wanted to be her friend. After about 18 months of that, I decided I didn't want to get used to it, as wasn't so bothered about being her friend if that's what she thinks of her friends.

She's also the one who, when I concussed myself on New Year's Eve and screamed loudly as I did it, wandered out of her room about 15 minutes later and, when I informed her I was off to the hospital, said: "Oh, I thought I'd heard you scream."

Anyway, there have been a few classic moments over the last few days, particularly last night (you can tell I don't spend much time with her nowadays, mainly because she pretty much lives at her fiance's).

Sunday (leading prayers): "Blah, blah, blah... Pray for the leaders of the parish that they would live to be pure and holy. ... blah, blah"
Last night: "Oh, we're not getting married until 2009, so we're going to move in together to save money."

Point to note: she's a commissioned pastoral leader for our parish who is practically living with her fiance and is planning to move in with him at least a year before they get married. I don't have a problem with Christians who're getting married moving in together. EXCEPT when they're in leadership. And I can't believe she's so arrogant enough to ask the home group to pray for them to find a place!

Anyway, continuing on...
Last night (a bit later): "We've not got a date yet. But we've got the cake sorted. A friend of mine does cakes and said they'll do it for us. And we can save money on the flowers. Jo likes doing flowers, so if I buy them I'm sure Jo will do them." [Jo keeps very quiet at this point and pretends not to be listening. After all, Jo's listening for a date of the wedding and considering planning a holiday around that time!]

Later last night; "I've got to go now [to her fiance's] so can I be excused from the clearing up. I did bring, and whip, the cream, after all." [And one housemate bought all the savoury fillings, a guest bought eggs and flour, I bought the fruit and made 60 pancakes. Admittedly she did bring some fruit (and was late!) - and then had a go at me because I'd bought fruit, as if it's MY fault she can't read instructions! And just about everyone else (including guests) made pancake batter and cleared up.]

She astounds me! I don't know what to say any more. I guess I just have to laugh at her brazenness!

It's not his fault

I've been reading and watching a range of books, blogs and films from other parts of the world, and it's been getting me thinking about this whole women covering up 'thing'.

I just don't get it? When was it decided that men are so weak and feeble that they can't control their urges, and that it's the woman's fault? Why is it that women are responsible for men's actions? Surely if you follow that thinking, that makes women far more powerful than men. And yet, women aren't allowed to do certain things (in these societies that believe women cause men to sin). I just don't get it.

An Iranian PhD student in Canada sexually assaulted a woman in an elevator. And blamed her: "You can’t expect all males to control themselves when the breasts are out" was his defense. Um, hello! Yes we can! In fact, we demand it! I'd like to think this says more about him than his culture, but I'm not 100% sure it's the case. Culture has a lot to do with who we are, so there must be some influence.

A slightly more (I hope) tongue-in-cheek look at the subject, from an American perspective. I agree, to a point: we should ALL dress appropriately, men as well as women. There comes a point when we need to realise that letting it all hang out probably isn't best for anyone (and I've done my years of letting it all hang out). But, just because someone chooses to do that, it's no excuse to behave badly and take advantage (and I don't think a man having an erection at the sight of a woman's backside is sexual harrasment - that's just biology. Touching - now that IS harassment!)

Though, I can see the advantages of the burqa: at least you wouldn't have to worry about what to wear each morning!

Can I recommend At Five in the Afternoon, a very moving film about a young woman living in Kabul after the fall of the Taliban. If it doesn't make you feel blessed to be living in a 'Western' country, then I don't know what will.

Nuff said!

Take 2 women, a bottle of wine and a couple of pints of beer and the conversation always turns to men, and often leads on to talking about sex. As it did last night with a very dear friend. Who, when we were talking about how we don't want to end up with a guy who think sex should only be in the missionary position, in the dark, came out with:

"We don't want them to be scared when we throw them on to the bed and rip their shirts off. After all, we can sew the buttons back on once we're done!"

How do I love thee?

I feel loved when...

The Five Love Languages

My Primary Love Languages are probably Physical Touch and Quality Time

My Detailed Results:
Physical Touch:	9
Quality Time:	9
Words of Affirmation:	7
Acts of Service:	4
Receiving Gifts:	1

About this quiz

Unhappiness in relationships is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. It can be helpful to know what language you speak and what language those around you speak.

Tag 3 people so they can find out what their love language is.

Take the Quiz!
Check out the Book

Consumerism, happiness and helping others

Apparently we in Britain are all miserable. Or so says Oliver James in his new book The Selfish Capitalist. Mark Greene (from LICC), has a Christian view on the book. I myself haven't read it, but would like to (must go to the library and order it).

One of my non-New Year resolutions was to spend less. And avoid M&S, which is where most of my money seems to go! I have plenty of stuff, plenty of clothes, and if I plan my meals in advance I can spend less on groceries. 'Stuff' doesn't make me happy.

We hear a lot nowadays about spending less, consuming less, having less. James calls it Affluenza - we're unhappy with our stuff. Money doesn't make us happy (though not having enough and being unable to afford the basics doesn't make us happy either). So though society is calling us to have, to buy, to own, to update, we're being encouraged to mend, repair, share, borrow (stuff that is, not loans to go on fancy holidays), be responsible.

But things like Fair Trade require us to purchase in order to help others. I know very little about economics, but I'm sure that if we all stopped buying things then the Economy would crash and we would all be in very difficult situations (I'm talking about us in our Western, capitalist countries. I am aware that many countries already have an economy crash - if of course they've not already been bombed to the point of almost oblivion). Money does make the world go round. But at the moment it seems to be spinning on debt.

But I've digressed a little. Our purchases enable others to have a better life, is the theory of Fair Trade. But does that mean we make sure we're buying fair trade groceries, or should be we buying more stuff for ourselves, our homes, to make us look and feel better by owning them?

How do we counter the call to be less of a consumer with encouraging Fair Trade? It's almost a Catch-22 situation. I guess we can only resolve this by buying responsibly when we do buy. And hope that in buying less, but giving more through our choices, we can regains not necessarily happiness (because happiness is subjective), but joy.

Hmm... not sure if I've captured everything I wanted to in this post, but the basics are there.

Learn from it and move on

'FOCUS(ING ON)...LOOKING FORWARD.'
PHILIPPIANS 3:13

One day in an orchard, seven-year-old Walter noticed an owl sleeping on a branch. Thinking it would make a wonderful pet he approached quietly and grabbed its leg. In a flurry of beating wings, wild eyes and frightened cries, the bird struggled so the boy threw it down and stamped it to death. Horrified by his actions, he fled. When he returned later to bury it, each shovelful of earth was mixed with tears of regret. The incident haunted him and he told no one about it - till years later when it had awakened in him a fresh appreciation for life. All the promises in the world couldn't bring back that one owl, but through its death a world of animals was born. The boy's gone, but his legacy lives on in the drawings of Walter Elias, also known as Walt Disney. Charles Dickens said, 'Reflect on your blessings of which every man has plenty, not on your past misfortunes of which all men have some.' Learn from your past, then 'Focus on...looking forward.' Paul Harvey writes: 'The relationships we entered, stayed in, or ended, taught us important lessons. Some of us have emerged from painful circumstances with strong insights about who we are and what we want. Our mistakes necessary! Our frustrations, failures...stumbling attempts at growth and progress; necessary too! Each step of the way we learned. We went through exactly what we needed to become who we are today. Is your past a mistake? No. Your mistake is mistaking that for the truth.' God can 'reframe' your past in the light of the grace and mercy that brought you to where you are today. So learn from it and move on.

Gaining strength

I talked a lot last year about feeling lost, feeling disconnected with myself. I talked about maybe seeing a Spiritual Director, and started seeing one towards the end of last year. I also mooted the idea of counselling, and some of you gave me some excellent advice. Thank you.

It's strange, but since seeing my Spiritual Director I seem to have gained a strength I didn't realise I have. She helps me to see myself through God's eyes. She gives me space to be myself, think for myself and not hide from myself. She gives me space to examine myself - but not in isolation, not with self-pity, but with strength and sense. She's helped me to realise that my relationship with God isn't all about the 'fuzzy', but it's about the everyday, the ups-and-downs, and that I'm actually stronger than I think I am, closer to Him than I can see.

My last-but-one post talks about how I've realised that a lot of my acting out is because I've never felt 'bad enough' to deserve God's grace. I've also realised most of my acting out (which is always with guys) is because I'm lonely. But I'm starting to realise that loneliness is a state of mind and it doesn't matter how many people are around you. I'm embracing my aloneness and solitude and relaxing in it. I think I got so busy I forget to take time for me, to be me, and that fuelled the loneliness.

I've realised that I'd put my life on hold. I'll do this when I meet a guy. I won't do that until I meet a guy. But he might never turn up. So I'm just going to move on forward until God says stop. And if I happen to meet a guy on the way - Yay! Fantastic! But if not. Then God's grace and love will be sufficient for me.

Now that REALLY doesn't sound like me at all?

I've realised that some friendships are just for a season and that letting go of the hopes you had for them might be painful, but may be the best thing, as you only end up getting hurt when they don't live up to your (often unspoken and unrealistic) expectations.

I've realised there's more to life than my life, than London. That there are people out there who have something to teach me.

I've realised that pushing doors is scary, but that doors closing isn't necessarily rejection. And that sometimes you're pushing at someone else's door. I've learnt (in one situation, anyway) to be gracious and watch someone go off and do the thing I thought I wanted to do, and bless them on that journey.

I've realised that India is still on my mind, so am pushing the doors to see if I'm meant to go again. And if so, for how long. My gut instinct (which is ironic considering what the food did to me last time!) is to go in September for 6 months.

And I've realised that often I'm scared of doors opening because I don't know how I'll handle it.

And I've realised that clearing the air can lead to a good friendship you didn't realise you could have!

And yes, I've realised that I'm a complete idiot. But that's just who I am. And God loves me anyway.

[Image from PostSecret.]

Wrong!

Further to my previous post. This is NOT what should happen.

Check out ASBO Jesus for more 'toons about church life. And wince when you see yours.

Amazing grace

"Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven - for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little."
Luke 7:47

We're always hearing about the people who've strayed so far that it seemed impossible they would ever be found again. They're held up as miracles. And they are are. Nicky Cruz is a miracle. And God has used him in so many ways.

But I think we sometimes forget we're all miracles. I know I do. Our day-to-day lives - nothing outstanding, nothing outrageous. How often do we end up thinking we're nobodies? Nothing special.

And that can have a deep-seated effect on how we live our lives. If we think we're nobody special in God's eyes we can end up wondering what's the point? Have you ever found yourself thinking you've not done anything good enough to deserve God's love? And that you've not done anything bad enough to be one of those miracles? It's like Jesus says: the more you've been forgiven the more you are able to love. The more amazing the grace, the more alive you'll feel inside.

Because feeling dead inside is not a fun place to be. When you doubt your capacity to love, to feel God's Spirit, to be engaged with worship you wonder... Have I not done enough? Enough good? Enough bad? And because the good is the harder to do, the bad becomes more of an option.

If I think back over the last 10 or so years I wonder. If I think about the last 7, since I came back to church, I really wonder. What was driving me? Sure I'd strayed, but I'd not really gone that far. Not really. I'd slept around, smoke a few spliffs, but really, what had I done (I know I've over simplifying this)? I came back to church through the Alpha course. And time and time again, the miracles were held up in front of us as an example of God's amazing grace.

But those small miracles, those of us who'd just strayed away a little, weren't necessarily seen as miracles. And I began to wonder: what was I missing? God seemed so distant. I couldn't do the things I thought I ought to do to make Him love me more. I 'knew' I didn't need to do anything, but did I really know it? I don't think so. And I knew I couldn't be any gooder. So maybe I needed to be badder.

And I guess that's how I found myself waking up one morning with a married man in my bed. And he wasn't (isn't) married to me.

And do I feel any better for it? No. And yes. I know that to beat myself up about it for the rest of my life is to deny, refuse and cheapen God's grace and Christ's sacrifice. So I refuse to do that. I've dealt with this with Him. It is finished.

Did I find God in this? No, because I'd never lost Him. He was always there. All I had to do was turn around and there He was. It has changed my relationship with Him, though. I strive less to 'feel' Him, to 'sense' Him during times of worship on a Sunday. I don't 'feel' as though I love Him any more or any less. But what are feelings? They toss and turn on the waves of our emotions; they tumble in the wind of our human desires and wants; they come and go on a whim.

But He is steadfast. He is a rock and an anchor. Clichéd words, but sometimes they make the most sense. Life may still be stormy - and when you say you're going to let Him guide you, it becomes stormier still - but He is the eye of the storm, where it is calm. Life may rage on around me, but I know He has watch over me.

Do I need to 'act out' to feel closer to Him? No, I don't. But that doesn't mean I won't again, because I'm human.

Gift from the sea

"We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror at its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanence on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity - in freedom in the sense that dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern. The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting as it is now."

Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Gift from the Sea

Linkage

Sarah has a lovely post about gifts. She's made a beautiful video - about 10 mins - which I urge you to watch.

Barbara had (I think she's just deleted it) a thought-provoking post about Heath Ledger and how we deal with the death of celebrities. Especially when there's a 'scandal' surrounding their death (or life). She was responding to a comment where someone made a tasteless joke about his death because of his role in Brokeback Mountain, and what that implied about him. Some people (the person who commented) just need to get a life.

Erin has had a couple of interesting posts about women and how we're often shoe-horned into boxes and become grey shadows of ourselves in order to become 'proper Christian women'. The two posts are 'Harlots, Heretics and Hussies' and 'Chili All Over the Kitchen'.

Barry has an interesting post about a similar issue: being a 'proper' Christian man. I'll admit, I didn't realise Christian guys had similar pressures to deal with as us women. We are the same species after all!

A lot of other people have been writing lots, but these are just a few nuggets that struck me today. Enjoy!

No compromise

I don't believe we should compromise in order to keep relationships. OK, let me clarify that: I don't think we should compromise OURSELVES in order to keep relationships.

Yes, I know. Pot, kettle and black spring to mind. But I'm determined to not be that woman any more.

What I mean is compromises along the lines of:

• Sleep with someone in order to keep them.
• Move in with them because they're not prepared to marry, in order to keep them.
• Go for a non-Christian (or whatever faith you hold) because despite wanting a strong, faith-led husband, there aren't any around you'd consider, but would rather be married.
• Give up on their other activities or faith in order to appease a partner who doesn't want them to be that way, in order to keep them.
  

I feel sad when I see friends drop, one by one, away from their faith because of a guy. Because it's usually us women who compromise in order to keep a man. Because we have less time, if we want children; have less choice in churches; and want to please more than perhaps a man does.

I don't want to compromise any more. I pray I will have the strength never to do so again.

Dreamer

I'm a big dreamer. Both nighttime and daytime. I've got used to the fact that I have lucid dreams when I have PMS. But I'm starting to have more lucid dreams whatever point of my cycle I'm in. This week there have been a couple of very lucid ones - you know, the type when you wake up either hoping it has happened. Or terrified it might have.

Wednesday evening I was reading various blogs about breastfeeding (nothing sinister, they just happened to be the themes of the blogs I was reading), so obviously dreamt about that. Only, I'd had a baby girl (called Grace) and I was being shown how to feed her whilst wearing a sari (I guess because the post I'd been reading was from an Indian woman, plus there's the whole 'do I go back to India' thing looming on my mind again). That was the wake up and be thankful there's no baby dream.

Friday night I dreamt about a guy I like(d) (for those of you who've been following me for a while, CB are the initials). Anyway, I'd thought I was over him. Well, OK, I know I've not got rid completely of the feelings - I like him, we're good 'friends' (on his terms) and spend a significant amount of time together - but didn't realise that after talking about him at work on Friday (relating to the whole him giving me guitar lessons issue) he was going to pop up in my dreams. And hold my hand. And kiss me. In my dreams. That was a 'darn it, that DIDN'T happen?' dream. And then he rang yesterday! I do hate it when he does that. He used to pop up online when I thought I was over him. And he never rings for 'nice' stuff (I told him off about that) - just to ask me to do something for him. That said, I'm not as obsessed about him as I was. And that's a very good thing.

How many?

I have 56 feeds in Bloglines at the moment? Is that a little excessive? Thing is, I stumbled upon the site Global Voices Online (can't remember how now), and there are many, many, many different voices out there.

Now I remember! It was somehow through the blog Baghdad Burning, which was made into a book and I was reading over Christmas.

Makes my life and my world seem to very small. And uncomplicated. Makes me wonder why I make so much of a fuss about stuff.

5 smooth stones

"Then David took his shepherd's staff, selected five smooth stones from the brook, and put them in the pocket of his shepherd's pack, and with his sling in his hand approached Goliath."
1 Samuel 17:40 (The Message)

David comes across as fearless. Almost cocky and arrogant. But with an arrogance based on his faith in God.

"Come on," said Goliath. "I'll make roadkill of you for the buzzards. I'll turn you into a tasty morsel for the field mice."

David answered, "You come at me with sword and spear and battle-ax. I come at you in the name of God-of-the-Angel-Armies, the God of Israel's troops, whom you curse and mock. This very day God is handing you over to me. I'm about to kill you, cut off your head, and serve up your body and the bodies of your Philistine buddies to the crows and coyotes. The whole earth will know that there's an extraordinary God in Israel. And everyone gathered here will learn that God doesn't save by means of sword or spear. The battle belongs to God—he's handing you to us on a platter!" (vs. 44-47)

I've been thinking a lot about fear lately. Fear can paralyse us. Literally, but spiritually, emotionally, relationally. It can stop us moving.

• My fear of being alone stops me from doing things that might satisfy me WITHOUT a partner.
• My fear of being not good enough keeps me from striving for more in my job. Or striving for another job.
• My fear stops me from travelling on my own, experiencing new things.
• My fear of rejection stops me telling people how I really feel.

I'm leading a meditate worship session this weekend. Thinking about fear. Thinking about the fact that we have God Almighty behind us.

David leant down and selected 5 smooth stones. And one of those stones killed dead the fear that had been terrorising Israelites. Just one. Because David had faith in God.

Was he scared? We don't know. But fear is not bad. Fear stops us being reckless. But we have to move despite our fear. Because "God did not give us a spirit that makes us afraid but a spirit of power and love and self-control." (2 Timothy 1:7) God wants us to step out of the boat, onto the water. But when He calls. Not because we think we can.

I'm looking at the possibility of going to work in India later this year, for a few months. If it's the right thing. I shall submit my application over the weekend.

Now THAT'S scary!

Didn't get the job

Good CV. Good application, but they did a fair interview process, and I'm rubbish at interviews. And the other guy is a lot cockier!

So, that's another door pushed at that didn't open. More doors to shove: Something else on the boil at the moment. will keep you posted.

The pain of the loss of God

“I feel just that terrible pain of loss, of God not wanting me, of God not being God, of God not really existing.”
Mother Teresa in letters published in 2007.

“I am not unhappy about the fact that there might not be a God,” he says. “I don’t feel that my life has a big, gaping hole in it. In some ways I feel more human than I ever have. There is more reality in my existence than when I was full-on as a believer. It is a completely different world to the one I inhabited for 37 years, so there are feelings of unfamiliarity.”
Olympic Gold Medalist and former committed Christian Jonathan Edwards on his loss of faith.

We all struggle with our faith from time to time. I know I do. But is it because we want to feel something, feel sure about something? We're emotional beings, so feelings are important to us. But with God is more than emotions. He's bigger than our feelings.

But it's normal to question. If we stop questioning, we stop seeking and we move further and further away from God.

An interesting article from Boundless - Absent God - looks at this.

Domestic goddess in training

I get a fruit and veg box every week now. From Abel & Cole. It's good value. And it's got me interested in cooking and baking. It's introducing me to some interesting new vegetables and fruit, and I'm finding some new recipes.

Which I will share on my new blog Domestic goddess in training

A "chain of pain."

But perception creates reality, and false perceptions can turn into truth by way of self-fulfilling prophecies.

It's not right, of course, but it is inherently human... We get hurt and the first reaction is to lash out and hurt those who hurt us. When they're unavailable the urge is sometimes there to hurt others whom we feel are representative of those who did hurt us... hurt them and by proxy you hurt those who hurt you. It's quite flawed logic, but when one is hurt and/or angry, sound logic seldom gets paid attention to. And thus we end up with the "chain of pain."

I won't deny that there are some folks out there who probably do legitimately deserve the shit that gets piled on them. And on the occasions when I come into contact with such people there is that part of me that would love nothing more than to give such people just what they have coming to them... But if I give them that, it just means it's going to go right back into the chain of pain... and while dishing said shit out might not put me in the chain, I would certainly be contributing to it. And in the end, you have to ask yourself, is it really worth it?

Pieces of Perplexio π

I read this today. I don't think there's much more to say to this. We all do it. I know I do. There are times when I get all resentful and want to take it out on someone. Anyone.

Stepping over Our Wounds
Sometimes we have to "step over" our anger, our jealousy, or our feelings of rejection and move on. The temptation is to get stuck in our negative emotions, poking around in them as if we belong there. Then we become the "offended one," "the forgotten one," or the "discarded one." Yes, we can get attached to these negative identities and even take morbid pleasure in them. It might be good to have a look at these dark feelings and explore where they come from, but there comes a moment to step over them, leave them behind and travel on.
Henri Nouwen

Holiday plans

I turn 31 this year. I've never been on holiday on my own. I've travelled on my own, but usually to visit friends. Never just me, solo.

I'm thinking about going away for 2 weeks over my birthday. Last year I turned 30 with my parents. That wasn't the most exciting thing to do. But I did have a big party when I got back to London.

I've sat down this evening and made a plan, using the very helpful The Man in Seat Sixty-One website. I thought I'd like to go and visit Transylvania. According to Mr Seat 61, to do that I have to go via Cologne (where I happen to have a friend live), Vienna (where I've been before - briefly - and also happen to have a friend like). So I though I could also brave a day in Bucharest on the way and one in Budapest on the way back. Seeing as I have to change in Brussels as well (been twice), I could either add a day there and add that to my list of places visited in one trip: Cologne, Vienna, Bucharest, Brasov (and area) and Budapest. I could go via Paris (never been), but that seems to be pricier, and if I wanted to come back via Paris, even more. I'm not made of money.

Of course, I could scrap the whole idea and go to Cambodia to visit my friend living there. Or to Azerbaijan. Or Canada (more friends) - and maybe do the Rocky Mountain railway (not sure if I have enough money for that, though).

Interview

I have a job interview on Wednesday. I have to do some prep. If you're able, could you let me know what's important to you when you plan a holiday? You can email me at: calia7777@gmail.com, or post a comment.

Thank you, and I'll keep you updated on how things progress.

What's the hurry, dear?

I do, though, tell the unmarried and widows that singleness might well be the best thing for them, as it has been for me. But if they can't manage their desires and emotions, they should by all means go ahead and get married. The difficulties of marriage are preferable by far to a sexually tortured life as a single.
1 Cor 7:8-9 (The Message)

I have issues with these 2 verses. They make me want to go back in time, grab Paul and drop him in the 21st century and yell at him: "You find me a husband, then!" Because it's not that simple. As one who regularly 'burns in lust' (and if you've followed my previous blogs you'll know bits and pieces of my history that attest to this), I'm fully aware of the tortured life of a single (sometimes I love the way The Message gets to the nub of things so succinctly!). And I'm VERY aware of how it is not that simple to rectify.

However, I've been thinking a little more on this recently. Because I'd forgotten verse 8, pointing this very firmly at singles, I'd got along a line of thinking of better to get married quickly than burn with lust waiting out an engagement. You can always tell the Christian couples who've not had sex before married. They're usually married within 6 months (sometimes less) of announcing their engagement. And the ones who are sleeping together. I know of someone who got engaged October/November last year. And they're not getting married until 2009. They are, however, moving in together this year. Much to the consternation of a few of the more pious of our congregation. Oh, I love a scandal. Particularly one that I'm not the cause of!

You have what we're looking for

"Dear Joanna,
I found your details on Monster and I would be very interested in speaking with you further. You have great experience and your CV is very well put together.
I am currently recruiting a role, which I feel you may be interested. It would be good to speak with you ASAP, please give me a call."

I spent 2 hours Monday night working on my CV for an internal job application, and thought, why not put it out there, see what happens. I did that last night. And got this email this morning.

So I called. It sounds like an interesting job. It would certainly be a step up from me. I'm a bit bored in my current job. I've been doing it for 3 years, and only the last 9 months have been relatively enjoyable. But there's not much in the way of progression. And a lot of changes coming up, which leave my job role a bit up in the air. So I'm keeping an eye out for something else. But I've thought I'm a bit stuck with the type of role I have. Not much like it out there. But maybe I'm being too negative.

Anyway, I'm going to push those doors and see what happens. If you don't try you won't fail. But you also may never succeed.

OK, I get the hint!

The Gift of Friendship

Friendship is one of the greatest gifts a human being can receive. It is a bond beyond common goals, common interests, or common histories. It is a bond stronger than sexual union can create, deeper than a shared fate can solidify, and even more intimate than the bonds of marriage or community. Friendship is being with the other in joy and sorrow, even when we cannot increase the joy or decrease the sorrow. It is a unity of souls that gives nobility and sincerity to love. Friendship makes all of life shine brightly. Blessed are those who lay down their lives for their friends.
Henri Nouwen

The children issue

I seem to gravitate towards children and parents. I'm not sure why that is - maybe it's 'cos I'm getting older and more peers are parents. Maybe it's the places I'm going. Though I'm sure it's not that. I was at a gathering this afternoon and the majority of the people there were adults; single adults. But I found myself having the more in-depth conversations at the gathering (gathering 'cos it wasn't really a party) with the parents of 2 very cute little girls. Admittedly we have a shared attendance of a course in common, but I seem to spend a lot of time talking about children at the moment. And this is me who says she doesn't want any.

Though the 4-year-old today plonked herself on the sofa next to me and said: "I've got to go now" just before they left. And I'd only met them today. She was even funnier when I left "You must come again soon" (not her house!) "this is my address".

I found myself on the bus feeling a little bit broody. Thinking, maybe kids wouldn't be so bad. And then the panic and suppression of that feeling: I'll be a terrible mother. I'll never meet anyone and this feeling will never go away and I'll become one of those women who is so desperate for a baby I'll be trawling streets looking for the right sperm donor. (I'm prone to a little melodrama!)

Times of testing

'UNTIL THE TIME CAME TO FULFILL HIS WORD, THE LORD TESTED JOSEPH'S CHARACTER.'
PSALM 105:19
It's difficult to see God blessing others while you are forced to wait. But this is not injustice: it's divine order! Look at Joseph. His faith was being tested by the very promises God gave him. Can't you hear satan whisper: 'I thought your dream said you were supposed to be sitting on a throne. What are you doing here in prison?' But satan miscalculated. This only looks like a prison but in reality it's the birthplace of promise and the day of small beginnings. God has not changed His mind, so don't change yours! When He's going to build something great He takes extra time to lay the foundation. 'Jesus grew...in favour with God and men' (Luke 2:52 NIV). Allow yourself time to grow! When you walk with God your opportunities for advancement are regulated by His plan, not someone else's actions and preparation always precedes promotion. God told the prophet Elijah to go and hide himself by the brook Cherith (1 Kings 17:3). Before he could call down fire from heaven and defeat the prophets of Baal, Elijah had to spend time hidden away with God. There are some insights you only gain by spending quality time with God. God may not come when you want Him to but He'll always be on time if you wait on Him. 'No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly' (Psalm 84:11 NKJV). His delays are not His denials. He's never said anything He couldn't back up or promised anything He wouldn't deliver. So disregard the circumstances and stand on the Word God has given you!

The Word for Today, 6 Jan 2008

Our Deepest Fear

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles, Marianne Williamson

Walking on the water

It's so much easier to walk on the water when it's solid, when it's safe (as safe as ice can be - let's not push the analogy too far!)

It's much easier to step out in faith when there's no faith involved.

It's easier to trust in what we know, what we can see, than in what we can't.

Sometimes it's just easier to trust in ourselves than in God.
Even though we know we're not going to get the best because of that choice.

Faith isn't easy. Don't ever let anyone tell you different.