Welcome to Britain. Just try not to spit

I remember when we landed at Mumbai airport the first thing we noticed was the 'Please do not spit' signs. Are they what gave Hazel Blears her ideas for the welcome pack for migrants coming to Britain, do you think? Because obviously everyone needs to be told not to spit on British streets because they'd all do it otherwise. I mean, look at the dirty foreigner. It's not as if you'd see us British do that? No, no! Never! Surely not. We don't drop litter either. Or grope people on the tube. Or let our dogs poop all over the streets so I have to play a kind of hopscotch along my street. Or play our music too loud. Nope, not us.

But we do paint giant pole dancers on the fields next to Gatwick.

What must we look like to those landing on our shores? “Hello. Welcome to Britain. Now play nicely, give us all your money and here's a handy booklet to tell you about how to be British. Because we've obviously forgotten. Oh, and about those jobs we’re all too proud to do - any chance you could do them for us? Just try not to make it look as though you’ve stolen them from a ‘real’ British person, though, there’s a good chap.”

I'm the only English person in my house, and have been for at least a year. One housemate is Welsh (which is definitely NOT English!), another German, one Malaysian and there's a South African too. I've had Peruvians and many more Germans and South Africans, at one point or another. And I'll admit, there are times when I get all huffy about being English-bashed in my own country, but it's all in jest (in fact, my German housemate loves the Fawlty Towers 'Don't mention the war' scene).

Fawlty Towers clip-Don't Mention the War

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How can we demand that others adhere to our 'culture'? What culture? I've lived here 30 years and haven't seen much of a culture. Unless you count the great values of shop-till-you-drop, famous for 5 minutes (reality TV has reduced Warhol's 15 minutes of fame), manufactured pop (though to be fair, I did enjoy the Spice Girls), worshiping football, and the idea of a good night out being to drink so much you can't remember whether it was a good night out or not (though, some of my Polish & Romanian friends also seem to enjoy that, so it's not necessarily a British thing).

And yet... With the rise of BNP (in the 2006 elections the number of seats doubled) we face a subtle - or not-so-subtle - backlash against those who are coming into the country, doing those jobs some of us are too proud to do (I'll admit I'm too proud for some jobs) and paying taxes, supporting some of us 'superior' Brits who would rather take state money than actually work. But we're not all like that.

And despite all this, we're opening up our arms and our minds to people of different cultures, and accepting them into our communities. I think where it gets dangerous is when ghettos of bulture form. But that can't be helped. With the internal migration of Brits, communities have almost broken down, so when others bring their communities, their cultures into an area that become identified with their ethnicity. Where I live is well known for high numbers of Polish (including my ex) and Turkish (hmm... another ex!) migrants. We've spread ourselves so far from community that we're scared when we see it.

There are times when I envy the easy familiarity I see in, particularly, the Turkish community around. Though it doesn't make me want to move back to Devon and gather my family around me. It makes me think about what is community. And how can we make it something integrated and mixed - a real melting pot. When I look at my friends over the past few years:
South African

• Hong Kong Chinese
• German
• Australian
• Kiwi
• South African
• Greek
• Polish
• French
• Romanian
• Welsh
• Scottish
• South Korean
• Portuguese
• Slovak
• Czech
• Turkish
• Peruvian
• Roma (gypsy)
  

Isn't that what community should be about? And isn't that what the Church should be encouraging and enabling?

2 asides, before I wrap up and go to bed:

1. I'm exploring the option of volunteering in India for 6 months later on this year. Now if I do, I would LOVE to know how to do things the Indian way, so as not to be offensive in their culture. (See comments from the mad momma and desigirl on our Britishness pack).
2. And our Archbishop (claim to fame - I met him once and he shook my hand and said 'very nice to meet you'!) Rowan Williams is backing sharia law for British Muslims. I've not had a chance to think more on this.